So you just went through a rough divorce and are back on the single scene. What do you do?
Being in the single pool once again can be a tough scanario for manydivorced men. It's unfamiliar territory and it's a little frightening.
In part of 1 this article, I discussed the first 5 steps you musttake in order to break through this mindset and start dating, and moreimportantly ENJOY being single once again.
here are the next 5 steps in the process:
***STEP 6- Have a game plan***
When you actually meet women that you find attractive, what willyou do? What will you say and how will you behave? If you are one ofthe guys who is completely at a loss for words, you may want to investin yourself by reading a couple of books, attending seminars orworkshops.
This requires you to leave your ego at the door, as it's nodifferent than deciding to hire a personal fitness trainer at your gym.If you don't know what you're doing, find guys who are proficient atit, seek their advice, and model what they do.
In my seminars and workshops, I have encountered all sorts of men,single and divorced, from office workers to engineers to doctors. Ifyou leave your ego at the door, you'll start getting the results youwant.
Make sure you seek advice that produces results, regardless of whom you go to for it. This leads me to a subsection of step 6.
Avoid poor advice. Please, stay away from the Dr. Phil and dearAbbey dating advice that will make you want to hang yourself. If thattype of advice has ever worked for you, then please, by all means gofor it. In my observation, guys often experience worse results due tothat sort of advice. Enough said on this one.
***STEP 7-Excommunicate the ex***
Never ever complain about your marriage or your ex. I don't care ifyour ex was a demon who crawled out of the depths of hell to tormentyou, do not mention her!
Do not talk about her. Please! See a professional therapist of somesort to work out your angry feeling towards her. She is not aconversational topic for the new women you're dating. This is an oftenrepeated costly mistake.
I know you're upset and I know the temptation to badmouth here isgreat. However, you ought to realize that when you're doing this, yourex-wife is still controlling your life as she is costing you dates,mates, and peace of mind, because you are allowing her to consume yourthoughts.
STOP allowing her to run your life.
I feel silly for having to even write this, but I have come acrosssuch a plethora of men who seem determined to shoot themselves in thefoot by discussing their ex too quickly.
Once you have been dating your new mate for some time, you canperhaps discuss a few things and share some funny battle stories if youreally insist on doing so. (I said a few, like twice a year).
Focus on the positive! Do not dwell on the negative.
Most people understand that divorce is a bitter experience and there is no need for you to elaborate on this.
And seriously, how can you enjoy a GREAT time with this new personyou're spending time with, when you're recalling bad memories andnegative emotions from the last person you were with? Let her go out ofyour mind.
***STEP 8 *Do not jump into another relationship immediately***
At this point, full-fledged relationships may resonate with youbecause they present that sense of familiarity. Again, it's like theold guy who wanted to go back to the Shawshank prison because ashorrible as the situation was, it made sense. (note: I am not comparingmarriage to a prison, even if some of my pals would like to make thatclaim.)
What I am saying is this: If you were divorced a few months agoafter a lengthy marriage, you probably are not ready to jump intoanother super serious relationships. They say time wounds heals and youneed the time to heal.
Go out and date a few different women. Don't compare each woman toyour ex. I don't care if your ex-wife could convert water into wine;it's over with. Apparently, it was really crappy wine, because youdidn't want to say.
Having fun ought to be part of your focus. Again, It is essentialto start surrounding yourself with men who genuinely like to go out andhave a good time. If you're hanging out with guys who resemble thedisheveled weatherbeaten looking members of Al Bundy's no-mam club wholike to bitch and snivel, you're going to be surrounded in thatnegative energy. Befriend people who are positive.
***STEP 9- Fix up your pad, pal***
Create an environment that is conducive to entertaining femaleguests. It doesn't matter if you lost the house in the settlement.Whatever! Your current place of residence should be presentable. Icould easily write another lengthy article on what would create a homethat is female-friendly.
For a start, make sure it's clean, paying extra attention to thebathroom and the kitchen. If your bathroom looks like it's hostingspecies of organisms not yet recognized by modern science, you'reshooting yourself in the foot. Clean up the place even if it takespaying a housekeeper.
***STEP 10 *Be comfortable with the fact that you have kids***
Again, this goes back to attitude! I can't tell you how many guys are so worried about the fact that they have kids.
Listen, will there be some women who won't be interested in arelationship because of your kids? Yes, but there will be MANY who willbe fine with it. I know guys who have girlfriend 10 year younger, whohappen to have a few kids.
Is that weird? No.
In fact, I am now going to share something that is going to be someof the most invaluable dating advice you'll ever receive in your life:
*It's only weird if you think it's weird*
If you think it's weird, you will have created limiting beliefsthat will control your behavior accordingly. If you let go of thatbelief, you will realize that there is no truth in it. You'll realizeit's something that is a generalization that you created in your heardbased upon unsound ideas
Destroy the limiting belief and create a new one, a new belief thatsays it's possible to date attractive and interesting women regardlessof if you have kids, and regardless of if you are divorced.
Whether you are divorced or are divorced with kids, there areplenty of single women who will date you. Many guys are already doingthis. You can do it as well. It's important to know what attract womenand the responsibility falls on you to present your most attractiveself.
I strongly recommend you read part 1 of this article. Implement the10 steps and notice how your dating life and attitude will change.
Wishing you the best, |